Infidelity is one of the hardest things to face in a relationship. It shakes the foundation of trust and can leave you feeling hurt, angry, and confused. After the initial shock, you might find yourself asking the big question: “Should I stay or should I leave?”
There’s no one-size-fits-all answer to this, and the decision can feel overwhelming. To help you navigate this emotional time, this post explores key questions you can ask yourself to gain clarity and make the best decision for your future.
If you’re struggling with the pain of infidelity, check out our Coping with the Pain of Infidelity post for more support.
1. Do You Still Have Feelings for Your Partner?
Take a moment to reflect on your emotions. Do you still love your partner, or has the betrayal extinguished those feelings? Love doesn’t disappear overnight, but it’s essential to be honest about whether it’s strong enough to rebuild trust.
If you feel torn, read our guide on Rebuilding Trust After Betrayal for tips on how to start that process.
2. Can You Forgive?
Forgiveness is not about excusing the behavior—it’s about letting go of the anger and hurt for your own peace of mind. Ask yourself:
- Are you willing to forgive?
- Do you feel your partner is truly remorseful?
- Can you move forward without resentment?
If forgiveness feels impossible right now, that’s okay. Healing takes time. Our Managing Anger and Resentment After Infidelity post offers practical ways to process your emotions.
3. Is Your Partner Willing to Change?
For the relationship to survive, your partner needs to:
- Take full responsibility for their actions.
- Show a genuine desire to rebuild trust.
- Be transparent and honest moving forward.
Without these efforts, staying together may only lead to more pain. Consider couples therapy as a tool for rebuilding trust—read more in our Role of Therapy After Infidelity article.
4. What Do You Want for Your Future?
Think about your long-term happiness. Do you envision a future with your partner, or does the idea of a fresh start feel more appealing? Sometimes, focusing on what you want (instead of what others expect) can provide clarity.
If you’re thinking about life after separation, explore our Starting Fresh After Divorce guide for insights on creating a fulfilling new chapter.
5. How Does Staying or Leaving Affect Your Children (If You Have Them)?
If children are involved, their well-being becomes a significant factor. While staying together might seem better for them, a toxic or unhappy environment can also harm their emotional health. Reflect on:
- How will your decision impact their stability and happiness?
- Can co-parenting provide a healthier alternative?
For tips on navigating this, check out our Co-Parenting After Infidelity post.
6. Can You Handle the Challenges of Rebuilding the Relationship?
Rebuilding trust after infidelity takes hard work and commitment from both partners. It involves:
- Open communication.
- Patience with the healing process.
- Setting boundaries and sticking to them.
Ask yourself if both of you are willing to put in the time and effort. If the answer is no, it may be a sign to let go.
7. What Is Your Gut Feeling?
Sometimes, deep down, you already know the answer. Pay attention to your intuition—it can guide you when logic and emotions feel tangled.
Final Thoughts: There’s No Right or Wrong Answer
Deciding whether to stay or leave after infidelity is a deeply personal choice. Take your time to reflect, ask yourself these questions, and seek professional support if needed. Whatever you decide, know that you have the strength to move forward and create a happier, healthier future for yourself.
For more advice on handling infidelity, explore our Understanding Infidelity: Why People Cheat post.
