Divorce is already a tough journey. The emotional pain, legal battles, and lifestyle changes can feel overwhelming. Unfortunately, for some people, the process doesn’t end with the legal papers. Stalking is a serious issue that can arise during or after a divorce, leaving victims feeling scared, confused, and unsure about what to do.
This blog will help you recognize the signs of stalking, understand why it happens, and know what steps to take if you think you’re being stalked. If you’re unsure about where to start, check out our guide on How to Protect Yourself During Divorce for additional tips on staying safe.
What is Stalking?
Stalking is any behavior where someone repeatedly follows, monitors, or contacts you in a way that makes you feel uncomfortable, scared, or unsafe. In the context of divorce, stalking can be carried out by an ex-spouse who refuses to accept the separation or wants to control you.
Stalking is not just about following someone in person. It can also involve digital methods, like sending constant messages, tracking your movements, or watching your activities on social media. Learn more about Digital Stalking: How to Protect Your Online Presence for tips on staying safe in the digital world.
Why Does Stalking Happen in Divorce?
Stalking during divorce often stems from an ex-spouse’s inability to accept the new reality. Some reasons include:
- Control: The stalker wants to maintain control over your life, even after separation.
- Anger or Revenge: They may feel bitter and act out of anger.
- Obsessive Love: They may still be emotionally attached and unable to let go.
- Fear of Losing You: Some stalkers act out of fear that you will completely move on without them.
While these behaviors may have explanations, they are not excuses. Stalking is harmful and unacceptable. If this resonates with your experience, consider exploring Emotional Boundaries After Divorce to help regain control over your life.
Common Signs of Stalking
Stalking can take many forms, and sometimes it’s hard to notice the signs, especially if they start small. Below are some common behaviors to watch out for:
1. Following You
- Showing up unexpectedly at places you frequent, like your workplace, gym, or a coffee shop.
- Being spotted near your home or when you’re out with friends.
2. Excessive Contact
- Calling, texting, or emailing repeatedly, even when you don’t respond.
- Leaving voicemails or messages that make you uncomfortable or scared.
- Using fake accounts to contact you on social media.
3. Monitoring Your Activities
- Asking mutual friends or family members about you.
- Watching your social media posts or liking old photos to let you know they’re watching.
- Using tracking devices or apps to follow your location.
4. Sending Unwanted Gifts
- Sending flowers, letters, or other items, especially after you’ve asked them to stop.
- Leaving “apology” notes or gifts as a way to manipulate you.
5. Threats and Intimidation
- Threatening to harm you, your loved ones, or themselves.
- Using scare tactics to keep you from moving forward in life.
6. Involving Others
- Getting friends or family members to monitor you or pass along messages.
- Spreading rumors or lies about you to damage your reputation.
7. Refusing to Accept Boundaries
- Ignoring restraining orders or requests to stop contact.
- Showing up at court hearings or meetings uninvited.
If you’re experiencing any of these behaviors, it’s important to take them seriously. Stalking often starts small but can escalate quickly. For advice on setting boundaries, read our blog on How to Set Boundaries With Your Ex-Spouse.
What to Do If You Suspect Stalking
Recognizing stalking is the first step to addressing it. Here’s what you can do if you think you’re being stalked:
1. Document Everything
- Keep a record of every stalking incident, including dates, times, and details of what happened.
- Save messages, emails, and any other evidence of stalking behavior.
- Take photos or videos if it’s safe to do so.
2. Set Clear Boundaries
- Communicate (if safe) that you do not want contact. If you feel unsafe, let the legal system handle communication.
- Avoid responding to stalking behavior, as any reaction may encourage them to continue.
3. Protect Your Privacy
- Update your social media privacy settings. Learn how in our post on Digital Privacy Tips After Divorce.
- Change your phone number or email address if necessary.
- Avoid sharing your location on social media.
4. Seek Legal Help
- File a police report if you feel threatened.
- Apply for a restraining order or protective order to legally prohibit contact.
- Work with your attorney to present evidence in court, especially if stalking impacts custody or divorce proceedings.
5. Lean on Support Systems
- Tell trusted friends or family members about what’s happening.
- Join support groups or online communities for individuals dealing with stalking or divorce.
- Consider therapy to help you process your feelings and regain a sense of safety.
Final Thoughts: You Are Not Alone
Dealing with stalking during or after divorce is incredibly challenging, but it’s important to remember that you don’t have to face it alone. Many people have been in your shoes and have found ways to reclaim their safety and peace of mind. By recognizing the signs of stalking and taking proactive steps, you can protect yourself and regain control of your life.
For more resources on rebuilding your life after divorce, check out Finding Your Confidence After Divorce and Reclaiming Your Independence Post-Separation. Your safety and well-being are the top priority. Take it one step at a time, and know that brighter days are ahead.
