How to Help a Friend or Family Member Who’s Being Stalked After Divorce

Divorce is hard enough on its own, but when stalking becomes part of the picture, it can feel terrifying and overwhelming for the person going through it. If you know someone—a friend, a sibling, or a coworker—who is being stalked by their ex after a divorce, you might feel unsure about how to help. You might worry about saying or doing the wrong thing, or even putting yourself in danger. But your support can make a big difference in helping them feel less alone and more empowered.

In this post, we’ll talk about what stalking is, how it affects someone, and what you can do to provide meaningful help while staying safe.

What Is Stalking?

Stalking is when someone repeatedly watches, follows, or contacts another person in a way that makes them feel scared or uncomfortable. It’s not about love or concern—it’s about control and intimidation. Examples include:

• Showing up uninvited at their home or workplace.
• Constantly calling, texting, or emailing.
• Following them or tracking their location.
• Leaving unwanted gifts or messages.
• Monitoring their online activity or installing spyware.

If you’re unsure whether what your loved one is experiencing counts as stalking, check out our guide to recognizing stalking behaviors for more examples.

How Stalking Affects Someone Emotionally

Stalking can take a serious toll on someone’s mental and emotional well-being. They might feel:

• Constant fear or anxiety about their safety.
• Helplessness or lack of control over their life.
• Isolation from friends and family.
• Shame or embarrassment about what’s happening.

Understanding how stalking affects someone can help you approach the situation with compassion. For more insights, read our post on the emotional impact of stalking.

How You Can Help

If someone you care about is being stalked, here are steps you can take to support them while ensuring your own safety:

1. Listen Without Judgment

• What to Do: Let them share their experience without interrupting or questioning their decisions.
• What Not to Do: Don’t blame them for the situation or downplay their fears. Phrases like “Maybe they’re just being friendly” can make them feel misunderstood.

2. Encourage Them to Document Everything

• Why It’s Important: Keeping a record of stalking incidents—like dates, times, and details—can be crucial if they decide to take legal action.
• How You Can Help: Offer to help them organize the information if they’re feeling overwhelmed.

3. Suggest Seeking Professional Help

• What to Recommend: Encourage them to talk to a therapist or join a support group. Stalking can be traumatizing, and professional help can make a big difference.
• Resources to Share: Point them to our list of support services for stalking victims for guidance.

4. Help Them Create a Safety Plan

• What Is It?: A safety plan is a set of steps they can take to protect themselves, like changing routines, securing their home, and having an emergency contact list.
• What You Can Do: Help them brainstorm ideas or find resources like our guide to personal safety during stalking.

5. Offer Practical Support

• Examples:
  • Go with them to the police station if they decide to file a report.
  • Help them update their privacy settings on social media.
  • Offer to babysit their kids if they need time to focus on safety planning.

6. Protect Yourself

• Why It Matters: In some cases, stalkers may try to target the victim’s friends or family. Stay cautious about your own safety.
• What You Can Do:
  • Don’t share their location or personal information with anyone, even mutual friends.
  • Be careful about confronting the stalker directly—it could escalate the situation.

What Not to Do

Sometimes, well-meaning actions can make things worse. Avoid:

• Confronting the stalker. This can put both you and your loved one in danger.
• Forcing them to take action before they’re ready. It’s important they feel in control of their choices.
• Ignoring the problem because you feel it’s “not your business.”

Final Thoughts: Your Support Matters

Helping someone who’s being stalked can be challenging, but your support can mean the world to them. Be patient, compassionate, and proactive in offering help. Let them know they’re not alone, and encourage them to take steps toward safety and healing at their own pace.

For more tips on rebuilding life after divorce, visit our resources on divorce recovery. Together, we can create a community where no one has to face these challenges alone.